I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
