who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
