I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
