Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
