all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
