i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
