Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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