they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
