Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
