Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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