I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
