I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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