you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She told me I should be a condom model.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
