Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
