I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
