Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
