That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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