my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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