He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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