considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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