I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
