We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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