I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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