I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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