So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize