you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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