Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
