So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
