so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
