So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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