I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
