My girlfriend figured out who you are.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
