i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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