tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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