I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
