I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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