By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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