She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
