4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
