you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
