I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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