Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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