I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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