When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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