i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
