we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
