I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
