My friends, they love my intelligence
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
