She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
