apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
