my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
