we're chasing vodka with high fives
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
