he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
