dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This is not my ceiling
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
