I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
