I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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