she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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