I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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