Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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