I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
