Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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