I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
