Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
