I love black thongs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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