They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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