they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
