I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
