I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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