I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I understand Curling. That high.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
