it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
