Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
