Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
