She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
